The End

If you or someone you care about is thinking about suicide there are ways to get help:
Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.TALK (8255)
Or chat online using the Lifeline Crisis Chat anytime, 24/7.

I’ve thought about it many times since the Great Shift. Ending it. Ending it all. The train tracks are always a tempting way to do it. Maybe on the third rail of the subway or maybe in front of a passing commuter line.

Everyone tells me how lucky I was in the Shift, about how I got such a beautiful body. But I hate it. I hate the fact that I became a woman; that I am a woman.

At least that’s what I tell myself. Though I often wonder if this body just had some sort of chemical imbalance, which was now my chemical imbalance. I wonder if she was just always like this; if she always hated herself; and if she was looking for any reason to hate herself. The change in gender due to the Shift was just the easy target of that for me.

I also wondered why I tried to hide this. Why didn’t I tell anyone about it? I think maybe because everyone told me I should be happy was part of it. Yet I kept thinking about the end. But as I feel the breeze of the express train rush by alarmingly close to my face, that day is not today.