View Part 2 of Decision.
After several months passed, I had pretty much gotten used to being Charlotte and being a woman. I was able to reconnect with most of my friends, who knew to accept that Charlotte had simply become nicer. I loved spending time with Emily, and it felt like I was dating my best friend. But I had some problems with intimacy. I told myself it was because I still wasn’t used to Charlotte’s body; that I felt like it was violating it somehow. But Emily sat me down on the bed with a more blunt assessment.
“I think you’re straight, dude,” She said.
“What?” I protested, “No way! I’ve always like girls!”
“You used to, sure. But now you have Charlotte’s body, and Charlotte’s body likes dudes. I can tell.”
“How?”
“Give me a compliment.”
“I like the way your sweater brings out the blush in your cheeks.”
“See. That’s a total girl-to-girl friend compliment. If you were a guy still, you’d totally mention my butt or something.”
“But we are both women now! We’re girls! So, of course, it’s girl-to-girl compliments!”
“What do you dream about at night?”
“I dream about being in my old body again.”
“Do you dream about being yourself again? Or do you dream about being with yourself?”
I didn’t want to admit it to Emily, but that last line hit me hard. My fantasties were no longer about being in my old body; they were about being romantic with my old body. That was the sort of intimate experience I wanted. I realized I probably needed to find the real Charlotte again, but now for an entirely different set of reasons. And I can’t imagine Emily would want to help me this time.
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